A Mummy Who Flashes Her Tits…

I have finally plucked-up courage to be who I know I really am. To be what I really am. It is around 10.00pm, the darkness of the evening is settling in. Lights are coming on in the houses and flats opposite, and I can see people through windows. People are going about their everyday lives, people who are mostly oblivious of being observed in those tiny squares of distant light.

I stand concealed in the darkness of my hotel room; the double doors leading out onto the balcony are fully open. I am breathing very heavily. Gulping for air. I am almost passing out from excitement; from fear. I am afraid of my needs. They scare me. I scare me. I have a lovely settled comfortable life. Why am I doing this?

15I can feel the chilling night breeze passing over my body. I am wearing panties and shoes only. My nipples are hard and I wonder if I can do it. I wonder if I can make timid, fearful me actually do it.

But deep inside I know that I will, I will have to; because if I don’t do it now then I never will. Ever. Opportunities like this are rare for me, too rare; to be away from home, alone in a hotel for the night. I have wanted this moment for so long, fantasised about it; pined for it. I know if I wimp out now I won’t be able to live with myself. I have to. It is the point of no return.

And as intimidated as I am, as frightened as I am my feet move me forward. Gingerly I step, one foot in front of the other until I am at the very front of the balcony. My hands grip onto the front bar. I want to do stay out there no matter what happens until I count to a hundred.

My body feels alive, touched by the night. Like being caressed by a ghost. My nipples are tingling, and my breasts beginning to throb, I count…

One…two…three……too fast, you’re wimping… slow down. One-elephants-two-elephants-three-elephants-four-elephants…

My mouth is dry and excitement makes it hard – well impossible – to swallow. I look at the windows opposite me. I can’t see anyone looking. That’s the point though, I never expected to. But at the same time anyone could be looking at me, sets of hidden furtive eyes seeing me topless. Anyone. Anonymous. Strangers.

I try and swallow but can’t. Fifty-elephants-fifty-one-elephants….

I look down to the street four floors below. Will anyone look up? Do I want them to? Really want them to? Yes I do. Yes I do. I want to be seen. Just like I want someone in the dark squares opposite to be looking right now, perhaps they are even hard for me, maybe even wanking off while they look. I hope so.

Please God.

Seventy-five-elephants-seventy-six-elephants….

Have a good look I think, embracing the moment. I take a deep breath, I thrust my chest out. Have a fucking good look I am thinking. Anybody at all.

Look. Look!

My elephants pass a hundred and still I stand there. I am more relaxed now. Comfortable. Still excited but not caring who sees, the more the merrier really. I light a cigarette and I stand there smoking, hoping the smoke might draw extra eyes.

I am aware that I have crossed a threshold tonight; the line between fantasy and reality. I know it is just the start. I can feel that this will be a long journey for me. I can feel it will become my life; or at least a life.

I have given up control of who might or can see me naked. From now on my body is no longer confined to my husband. My nakedness is anybody’s.

And I can feel my juices escaping my thin panties and running down my leg.

I am alive at last.

April 22, 2013  Tags: , ,   Posted in: writing

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