A Mummy Who Flashes Her Tits…

I have finally plucked-up courage to be who I know I really am. To be what I really am. It is around 10.00pm, the darkness of the evening is settling in. Lights are coming on in the houses and flats opposite, and I can see people through windows. People are going about their everyday lives, people who are mostly oblivious of being observed in those tiny squares of distant light.

I stand concealed in the darkness of my hotel room; the double doors leading out onto the balcony are fully open. I am breathing very heavily. Gulping for air. I am almost passing out from excitement; from fear. I am afraid of my needs. They scare me. I scare me. I have a lovely settled comfortable life. Why am I doing this?

15I can feel the chilling night breeze passing over my body. I am wearing panties and shoes only. My nipples are hard and I wonder if I can do it. I wonder if I can make timid, fearful me actually do it.

But deep inside I know that I will, I will have to; because if I don’t do it now then I never will. Ever. Opportunities like this are rare for me, too rare; to be away from home, alone in a hotel for the night. I have wanted this moment for so long, fantasised about it; pined for it. I know if I wimp out now I won’t be able to live with myself. I have to. It is the point of no return.

And as intimidated as I am, as frightened as I am my feet move me forward. Gingerly I step, one foot in front of the other until I am at the very front of the balcony. My hands grip onto the front bar. I want to do stay out there no matter what happens until I count to a hundred.

My body feels alive, touched by the night. Like being caressed by a ghost. My nipples are tingling, and my breasts beginning to throb, I count…

One…two…three……too fast, you’re wimping… slow down. One-elephants-two-elephants-three-elephants-four-elephants…

My mouth is dry and excitement makes it hard – well impossible – to swallow. I look at the windows opposite me. I can’t see anyone looking. That’s the point though, I never expected to. But at the same time anyone could be looking at me, sets of hidden furtive eyes seeing me topless. Anyone. Anonymous. Strangers.

I try and swallow but can’t. Fifty-elephants-fifty-one-elephants….

I look down to the street four floors below. Will anyone look up? Do I want them to? Really want them to? Yes I do. Yes I do. I want to be seen. Just like I want someone in the dark squares opposite to be looking right now, perhaps they are even hard for me, maybe even wanking off while they look. I hope so.

Please God.

Seventy-five-elephants-seventy-six-elephants….

Have a good look I think, embracing the moment. I take a deep breath, I thrust my chest out. Have a fucking good look I am thinking. Anybody at all.

Look. Look!

My elephants pass a hundred and still I stand there. I am more relaxed now. Comfortable. Still excited but not caring who sees, the more the merrier really. I light a cigarette and I stand there smoking, hoping the smoke might draw extra eyes.

I am aware that I have crossed a threshold tonight; the line between fantasy and reality. I know it is just the start. I can feel that this will be a long journey for me. I can feel it will become my life; or at least a life.

I have given up control of who might or can see me naked. From now on my body is no longer confined to my husband. My nakedness is anybody’s.

And I can feel my juices escaping my thin panties and running down my leg.

I am alive at last.

© 2013, Janey Pilsbury. All rights reserved.

About The Author
That-Woman! The ‘That Woman’ blog, showcases my writings, my obsessions, and my secret life. I am a divorced, thirty-something, professionally-employed female living in London. My real name may – or may not – be Janey. In both my fictional stories, and my fact-based articles, my objective is to illuminate the darker - some might say twisted - reaches of sexuality. In addition to the this blog, my work can be found on Smashwords and on Amazon Kindle. The reasons for using the anonymous form need not be further elaborated.

April 22, 2013  Tags: , ,   Posted in: writing

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