Why Do Young Girls Have Affairs With Much Older Married Men?
Young girls have always been an obvious attraction to the middle-aged married man. It is easy to see why, they represent new pastures, no baggage, no-obligations, an oasis from the tired and jaded world they inhabit in the family. Plus there is the obvious allure of the nubile young body, firm and pert, in stark contrast to the one ‘at home’. But what is the attraction of a (let’s say) 45-year-old married man for a girl in her late teens?
I am speaking to Jessica. She is eighteen years old, and the daughter of a very good friend. She is here to chat to me about why she is on her third married man in the last 16 months, all of them well into their 40s. Once again we are at the my ‘HQ’, the Hix Restaurant and Champagne Bar in Selfridges. On the face of it Jessica has a lot going for her; eighteen years old, the product of a very expensive private education, pretty, slim with head-turning bumps. She is a middle-aged man’s lottery win.
So what does an obviously in-demand girl like Jessica see in a married man well over twice her age. What is the appeal?
Jessica sips her tea and looks thoughtful. ‘My first married man was a friend of the family, a colleague of my father’s and his wife was my mother’s best friend. I had known him since I was little. He was like an uncle really. When I was just turned 17 he sat me down and told me he was attracted to me; that he and his wife no longer had relations, and that he needed to talk to me. God, I felt so flattered. I mean he was a very successful and accomplished man. And he wanted me? I though oh my God!.’
So that was enough then, to be flattered?
‘To be honest I kept looking at his wife who was really attractive; maybe 40s but looked like 35, very sophisticated woman, and I thought God, he has her, but wants me? Me? I mean wow! It just made me feel great really.’
But were you attracted to him as a person, or just that fact or what he was or what his wife was?
‘Well, if I am honest he wasn’t what you’d call physically attractive. Not conventionally good-looking. But it was the fact he wanted me so much, even though he had a wife like her. I was at an all-girls school, and this was a man! He was so intense, he talked like he really needed me. And I suppose no-one else ever had up to then.’
So really it was flattery plus the lure of being needed?
‘The thing was the sex was amazing! I mean not amazing like in going on for hours, it was just a massive turn on to be in bed with a guy I had known all my life, a guy who knew my parents, and he had this amazing trophy wife. He had her, but was all over me in bed. He would lie there afterwards telling me what a fantastic body I had. How I obsessed him day and night. Not only that he would tell me about his wife, how she was sagging and not tight, he used to compare us all the time and it just made me feel wild because this was a woman you know, that I was in awe of. And there was her husband telling me she was shit in bed and that he needed me. God he used to really be so pathetically grateful, I couldn’t not sleep with him in the end…’
So he told you he needed you? Did you need him?
‘What I needed, I think was that feeling of being special and when he compared me to her I did, I felt extra special. Even when I started to go off him a bit, I still liked that feeling of somehow belittling her by fucking her husband. Somehow fucking him made me better than her. I think I was a bit nuts you know? In the end I think it was actually more about me fucking her than fucking him. It was all this stuff in my head?’
So did you feel any real animosity towards his wife? Want to take him away from her at all? I mean I take it you didn’t see an actual future with him. Or did you?
‘Oh God no. That kind of thing was the last thing really. I just wanted it to be what it was. An affair. I suppose I did come to resent his wife. She was always so superior and stuck-up. so when he used to tell me things, criticise her body I would feel great. It was like I was feeding off that to make me feel good.’
So how did it end then?
‘It sounds a cliché but she came home unexpectedly one day and found me standing in the kitchen in just my knickers. God, what a fucking day that was. She just started braying and honking like an animal, storming around the house shouting at him, shouting at me. It was really frightening. It sounds completely stupid I know, but I didn’t think she’s be so extreme. Bit of a shocker really.’
Sound terrible. So was there any repercussions.
‘God yes, of course the very first thing she did was get on the phone to my parents. They went fucking nuclear with me. Christ, it was scary. Daddy was all bent out of shape about it, could hardly speak to me for an age, Mummy called me seven colours of slut. Took them an age to get back to normal, especially as the couple eventually separated.’
Well it must have been a bit fraught if they were close friends of your family.
‘The really funny thing was that once it because known in my parents circle that I had had sex with this guy, another two of my parents friends started hitting on me. Both married and both in their 40s! One was a surgeon the other a banker. I was still 17 and felt like the temptress of the fucking world.’
Did anything happen with them?
‘With both, I still see the surgeon occasionally, but am at uni now so its not like it was before.’
And like the first one, did you know their wives?
‘I did yes and there were similar issues, but by them I knew myself a little better and wasn’t as carried away. Though the banker did want to fuck me in the marital bed while I was wearing his wife’s wedding dress. That felt a bit freaky. I mean, he also wanted to watch me masturbate using her toothbrush, and I did. God that still a turn on a pervy way.’
I’ll bet. How long did they go on for.
‘The banker for maybe 3 months, as I say I am still sleeping with the surgeon, been one and off for 7 months now. Difficult when at uni.
And pastures new?
‘Well lets say life is never boring.’
So do you have regrets at all?
‘No not really, I know it makes me sound like a homewrecking bitch but I enjoyed it. If I am honest I learned a lot. Not about sex or anything but about myself. I came out of that time a lot stronger than when I went in. I found out I didn’t need to fuck a guy just to get compliments to boost me up, or score points against a middle-aged women. I have also learned that to a man the most fantastic body in the world is the one that’s with them at the moment.’ Jessica laughs loudly here. It does seem a little forced. Like it’s been a hard lesson to learn.
At this point, Jessica sounds a lot older than her years. She is undoubtedly mature for her age, perhaps because of her early experiences. So it seems that the attraction of the middle-aged married man might actually be that he has an accomplished wife the younger girl can define herself against.
While age-gap sex will always be an attraction, it is worth remembering that young girls who go with older married men do it for their own ego, as much as the man does!
© 2012, Janey Pilsbury. All rights reserved.